How to kill an appetite

I went down to Chinatown this morning to get a much-needed haircut. To my dismay, my favorite hair-cutter has up and left. This means I will most likely never ever get my hair permed again because he was the only one this past year who I willingly allowed to get close to my hair with a pair of scissors. Ok, maybe not never ever, but it sure won't be soon. The only explanation I got from the owner was that he decided to "change professions." Oh dear. Good for him, sad for me. Anyhow, I took a tiny risk today and let another guy "xiuli" (fix) my hair a bit to get the dry ends cut off so I'd look less shaggy. He did a decent job as my hair was evenly cut on both sides and he didn't chop off 4 inches like most Chinese female hair-cutters usually do. And for 12 bucks including tip, it's always a bargain to make a trip there.

After my hair cut, I stopped by Yeah Shanghai Dumpling House to grab a quick lunch because Eric says that their soup dumplings are "quite good." I ordered one basket of eight to-go and was told that it would take a few minutes to steam so I should have a seat. There were no diners at the restaurant and this was sort of strange as it was around 12:30p.m. I had forgotten to bring my book or any materials to busy myself with so I just looked around the restaurant. This was when I noticed a waitress pacing throughout the restaurant with nothing to do. With no customers to attend to or tables to set up, she chose the next best task - fly swatting.

From the back of the cashier's counter, she removed a white, plastic, long-handled fly-swatter and began to stalk the flies that came buzzing in through the front door. She slammed one, no two, on the mirror-wall. Some got stuck to the mirror and she had to scrape them off. She smashed another two on the glass dining table. Every once in a while she'd take the flattened bugs, now stuck on the swatter, to a back room to throw them in what I can only guess is the trashcan. But the flies came in one after another even after all her brutal executions. She shouted in Cantonese and while I did not understand her, I knew she said something along the lines of: "Damn it, there are so many flies today!"

This apparently was her breaking point. I think she thought she was being too nice because she abandoned the white, plastic swatter and instead picked up a restaurant menu. Dark green with gold lettering on the outside, it had LOTS more surface space and was easier to control with the grip of two hands. I swear she went on a fly killing spree. Her mind was set on exterminating every one last bug as long as she had no diners to serve because when the man at the front desk called to her to "jia yi ge tang, jia liang ge fan," (add one more soup, add two more rices) in Mandarin she replied: "Eh, xian zai bu yao gen wo jiang hua!" (Eh, don't talk to me right now!) She probably killed about 5 flies with that menu. At this point I could no longer count the numbers dead. She scraped guts off tables and the mirror-wall just as she had done with the first fly-swatter.

In come a party of 5 Caucasians, who look to be taking a lunch break from work. The waitress lowers the menu she has in her hand and replaces it at the very top of the stack of menus. She smiles widely at the newcomers. I should have looked to see but I have no clue as to whether she had selected 5 menus from the top and distributed them to the diners, meaning someone received the fly-guts one (possibly with wings attached). One thing is for sure, someone today or tonight will be getting that menu she used to flatten and discard those flies. And I don't think she wiped off that menu because she hadn't bothered to wipe the mirrors or the tables she had attacked those bugs on.

Anyhow, my soup dumplings were finally packed up. I paid for them and left with a chuckle because the man had given me a "look" that seemed to say: Yeah, I know. She's insane. Sorry. It may have been the fly swatting show that turned off my appetite, but I wasn't impressed with the dumplings. The skins were too thick, there was hardy any soup in them as the liquid seemed to have congealed and there was too much vinegar in them. They tasted sour. However, they were rather easy to eat because I managed to bite and chew while navigating the crowded streets of Chinatown. And not even once did my foot get rammed over with a granny cart, walking cane or stroller. I still have 3 out of 8 dumplings left and I don't know what to do with them. I'm glad I tried them because I'll never go back to that restaurant again for more than one reason.

Lesson of the day: Touch a menu at a Yeah Shanghai restaurant, and you better wash your hands just in case. In fact, maybe it's better to wipe not only your cups and chopsticks, but your tabletop too. It's ok to take small risks. Not all soup dumplings are created equal. Joe's Shanghai in NY and Din Tai Fung in L.A. are still top on my list.